My dad died due to old age and mainly because his organs started giving away. He wanted to live for a few more years and left this world without achieving all his dreams. He so wanted to see his grandchildren grow, he probably wanted to write a book, spend more time with his daughters and he definitely wanted to travel. Most importantly he wanted to see his ancestral home redeveloped.
The year before he passed away was a tough one for him as he witnessed the passing away of many of his friends, siblings and cousins. It felt as though there was death of a near and dear one every month. When his nephew around 65 years old passed away, he went very quiet. I think he was shattered then. Somewhere deep down I felt he knew that it was time for him to go. He was scared. He did attempt to speak to me once about it and I think I handled it terribly.
It is tough for a daughter to see her father dying. It is difficult to have a conversation around death and when my dad attempted to talk to me, I blocked myself from the thought of him dying and told him that everything was going to be fine and he was going nowhere. Instead of just listening to what he wanted to say, I started rambling and talking about all the wonderful things we were going to do together after he recovered and got better. Now I feel this was so wrong of me. I should have just been there with him and his feelings. I should have just listened to all that he had to say. The worst part is that I am never going to know what he so wanted to share with me.
Last year, my dad left this world on 16th June at around 3:30 am. I was at the hospital when he breathed his last. I saw him and held his hand a couple of hours before he died. I peered into his lifeless eyes...looking for hope, I so wanted to feel the warmth in the touch of his hands...but alas, it was time for him to go....
People die every year - some due to health problems, some due to old age, some die in accidents and natural calamities. Some die feeling fulfilled and satisfied with their life and some pass away wanting to live more.We also have people who choose death over life. These people give up on life and the experiences it has to offer. I get worried about such people. To feel that life has nothing more to offer and the best option is to opt out of living and choose death is something huge and says a lot about the ways of our society and its culture.
I have read so many comments and posts on Sushant Singh's suicide and most express sadness and some called him weak. All I felt was overwhelmed and angry at our current social structures and norms. Today in this scenario people feel that they are going to get nothing out of life and death is much better than life. Many young adults aren't able to cope with pressures of our society - pressures of expectations, pressure of not being able to work joyfully for a livelihood, pressures of keeping up an image, pressure of masking one's true self, pressure of being unwanted, rejected, ridiculed and made fun off. How many more suicides are going to wake us up to see that we need to change this system - we need to transform...
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