Tips for new homeschooling parents on 'How Children Learn'...

Last evening, my oldest son, Aditya (15 years old) made pizzas. We had purchased pizza base from the local bakery and I was too lazy to make home made pizza sauce and told my children that we could buy some ready made sauce. Aditya made a face of disgust and committed himself to make pizza sauce."I will make the sauce" said he. I was a bit reluctant as I didn't want to end up making the sauce myself (my laziness had overtaken my enthusiasm). "You do not know how to make the sauce and we don't have enough tomatoes too" replied me. "Mamma - I am making the sauce. I know how to make it even if I haven't done so earlier" he assured. About an hour later, he presented me with a simple yet super yum pizza. 

When and where did he learn to make the sauce? How did he know that he could improvise and use alternate ingredients when he fell short of something? How did he learn when he wasn't taught? 

My daughter Tara (5 years), is fascinated by numbers and we often involve her in solving simple addition and subtraction problems which we encounter in our daily life. She came up to me and said, "I want to learn something new in Math." She remembered the place value kit I had made using Rajma seeds for my students when I was teaching a few years ago and said that she wanted to make her own kit. Luckily I had a packet of Rajma seeds and we got going with our activity. We spent sometime sticking ten Rajma seeds on every strip of thick card paper we had cut from a box we recycled. While doing so we engaged in cracking jokes and discussing various things that had caught her attention. We didn't speak about our activity at all. After completing our activity of sticking Rajma seeds I asked her, "So how many Rajma seeds have we used?" I expected her to count each and every Rajma seed we had used. But to my surprise she counted the strips and then counted in tens and gave me an accurate answer. I was thrilled. I further said - could you show me 45 using the Rajma seeds? I thought she would put together 45 Rajma seeds and once again to my surprise she used 4 strips and 5 Rajma seeds and said 4 tens makes 40 and 5 seeds make it 45. I tested her a couple of times by asking her to form different numbers and each time she gave me an accurate answer.

Where did she learn about place value? How did she know about counting in tens? I hadn't taught her anything about place value - so how did she learn without being taught? She was a baby when she had seen me teaching place value to my students. As far as I know - she hadn't seen any videos on place value. Maybe she had seen something similar at her learning center - but I am not sure.

I have observed children and seen so many such examples of learning without being taught. I have also spent some time thinking about "How do they learn?" here is a list of five ingredients required to enable learning.

1. Children learn when they want to learn - Probably if I had 'taught' Tara place value system a few months ago - I would have failed. When children aren't interested in learning a concept or a skill, they often resort to finding excuses to do something else - could be asking for more toilet, water or snack breaks or anything that comes to their mind. Some children get distracted and aren't able to focus while some children rebel and just refuse to comply. Such children get into trouble and often get labeled as hyperactive children, slow learners, rebels, disobedient etc. Homeschooling parents too face this problem when they attempt to force learning on their child and now with schools going online - parents witness this everyday. My worry is that this results in a discord between the parents and the child and both end up in a lose lose situation.

2. They are completely in charge - In both the examples stated above - the children were completely in charge. While in the first example, I stepped away and my son had complete autonomy, in the second, I became a willing participant in what my daughter wanted to do. My role was to just help her in the activity and let her call the shots. What happens usually, is that we adults attempt to take control of the situation and start governing the way things should be done instead of being okay with our children having a free hand. I wonder if my son would have made this yummy pizza if I had decided what ingredients he should use, their proportions and for how long he should cook. In case I would I have done so - all it would do is cause a block in his ability to think and reason things out in his mind and take decisions. It could have lowered his confidence and belief in self. Most importantly, it would have added to his kitty of experiences that ruin his relationship with me.

3. Our belief in them and what they want to do - I believed that my son would be able to make the sauce. I trusted that he would ask for help if needed. Had I not believed or trusted, things would turn out to be different. Maybe my seasoned ability to cook would have produced a delicious pizza - but it would have resulted in him feeling that he is not able. 

4. Choice in selecting their learning environment - my daughter chose where she wanted to sit, she selected the material needed and she felt absolutely comfortable in it. My son ensured that no one disturbed him and requested me and his siblings to stay away from the kitchen. What usually happens is that children do not have the freedom to be in an environment of their choice. At schools their place is decided by the teacher, the classroom is assigned by the teacher. Homeschooling parents are a lot more relaxed on this front through some do insist on a certain posture and a confined space.  

5. Choice in seeking help - Children decide whether they want help in the activity or whether they want to do it independently - While my son preferred to make the pizza independently, my daughter wanted to make the place value kit along with me. Children know when they need help and also need to feel comfortable asking for help. We adults intervene unnecessarily as we assume that our children cannot do things independently or will not know that they need help. 

My advice to all parents who have opted for homeschooling this year and are eager to do their best to ensure that their child is learning. Here are some of my tips for you:

• Relax - you already have too much on your plate. You currently have minimal support for completing household chores, cooking and cleaning. You are not used to seeing your child at home all day and you are definitely not used to being at home or having your spouse at home 24/7. Life is not the same. Do not overburden yourself.

• Your children do not consider their home to be their school. Their home is where they can be themselves... a place where they do not have to follow too many rules and have a lot more freedom. 

• Your children find it difficult to see their parents turning into teachers. Their mom is their mom  and their dad is their dad and not somebody who makes them learn. 

• Many profit making initiatives will try to sell their curriculum to you. Some curriculums may suit the needs of your children and some may not. So don't hurry into subscribing or buying a curriculum. Explore and involve your child in making curriculum and syllabus related decisions. Ask for trials to check whether your child likes those curriculums.

• I prefer customizing learning for children. I let my children be my guide and let my children's curiosity decide what we learn. Remember - every child is unique and learns differently.

• They definitely want to learn. Learning comes naturally to them. They just don't want to be forced to learn and cannot learn when they are not ready.

• I do not let age specific syllabus limit my child's learning. Many a times I have observed that my child wants to learn a lot more than what is given in the textbooks - this happens when we let their curiosity guide us in selecting concepts.

• Concepts are concepts and knowledge is knowledge and facts are facts. Do not get overwhelmed by boards and their curriculums. Like I always say - plants will not have different parts in different curriculums and animals will have the same names and features across curriculums. Grammar does not change in CBSE or ICSE or SSC or NIOS or any international board.

• Engage with your child, connect with them - be as curious as they are and explore together - you will see a whole new world opening up.

Now for an example:

When my son was around four, he got interested in planets and the universe. This interest developed when he happened to spot a book on planets at the local library. We issued the book for him and his exploration and fascination about planets, solar system and the universe began. We started watching videos, read more books together and made a solar system on the ceiling of his room. We painted T-shirts with planets and the solar system. He learnt mathematical concepts of quantity, size, weight, shapes, counting, skip counting using this theme. His vocabulary increased as he understood the meaning of various related words and concepts. A visit to the planetarium and watching space movies added colour and fun to our learning. As he got comfortable with this theme - his interest and curiosity moved toward our planet Earth and what followed was understanding how Earth and its elements, life on Earth, maps, continents, countries, states, districts, cities and villages. He was then interested in different landforms and water bodies and this took him to another topic - transportation. One theme led to another and we surely had a wonderful time learning. What he learnt is alive in him even today as he wasn't learning because some curriculum wanted him to learn - it was because he wanted to...

So parents chill...focus on your connection and things will be fine...

All the best!

Thoughts around death and dying !

We have entered the phase 5 of the lockdown and it feels weird to see everything opening up in spite of the alarming increase in the number of cases. I just received a message stating that area-wise non essential shops to remain open between 9:00 am to 5:00 pm on alternate days. I already have a list of non essentials ranging from underwear to umbrellas that I need to buy. My children are happy that toy shops would be open and I feel a bit guilty to see the consumerist streak making to the bright spot in my life. 'I was to learn to go slow and minimal during lockdown,' I tell myself and then get into a inner dialogue about how I need to replace certain things and that they have now progressed from non essential to essential goods.

The news about the death of the pregnant elephant and its comparison to the pregnant and yet jailed anti CAA protester numbs me. Am I becoming apathetic? Or have I given up hope? I turn my attention to my children who brought in our neighbourhood kittens and their mommy indoors as they felt that they were unsafe in the outdoors during the impending cyclone. The efforts and the focus with which all three worked to find them, bring them home and make them comfortable was so touching. I appease myself by saying, "I have no control over certain things happening around the world...what I can do is to take solace in the fact that I am doing many things right - as my children are growing up to be sensitive and empathetic individuals caring for the well-being of creatures around them. 

My belief in being loving and caring about all creatures great and small was challenged when my daughter woke up in the wee hours of the night complaining of an intolerable ear ache. The ache was so bad that she didn't want me to touch her ear to check what was was wrong. As the mobile torch was turned on and its light directed toward her ear, I saw a centimetre long insect emerge out of her ear. My reflex was to catch it and squish it so that it would do no more damage to my little girl. However I missed and the insect got into her hair. It was picked up by C and he set it free in the grass just outside our house. In fear I said, "Why didn't you kill it? Why did you let it go? What if it comes back again?" But the deed of setting it free was already done...

I slept the night in fear, waking every now and then imagining the insect trying to get back into my daughter's ear. I wondered whether people felt threatened by this pregnant elephant just the way I got scared of the insect. I read an update on the elephant that died in the morning - it said that the pineapple with the crackers was meant for wild boars and not the elephant. So we have a discrimination system with animals too and wild boars are way down in the hierarchy of animals. How insane!

Today is my dad's first death anniversary according to the Hindu Calendar. It's a year already. I miss him a lot and most often forget that he is no more. It feels like he has gone on a holiday and will return soon. A part of me is glad that he didn't live to witness this lockdown and see how a tiny virus has brought the world to a stand still. I shudder at the thought of him falling sick during lockdown and hospitals turning him away from being admitted. 

'Baba' has been the most stable and strong element in my life. He believed in me no matter what. He argued with me and constantly reminded me that one needs to scrutinize every angle and every perspective before taking a decision and yet stood by me on every impulsive decision I took. He taught me to be patient and open minded. He taught me that life has its ups and downs and one has to take all experiences in one's stride.

His last days were tough. He had a bypass surgery and he passed away in the ICU during post surgery recovery. He was on the ventilator and covered with tubes. I don't think I will ever forget the helpless look on his face. I entered the ICU to see him just before he passed away. His eyes looked lifeless and his hands were cold. The doctor said that the situation was not good and that they had no hopes. The ventilator was keeping him alive while all his other organs were giving up. He said that they would wait for a couple of hours. I was scared and I became numb. I mumbled something - which probably told the doctor to do whatever they felt was right. I walked out of the ICU and that was when I felt my tears trickling down. I knew that he wasn't going to survive. I realized that he had already left this world. 

My mother in law had passed away about a year earlier and was also covered with tubes - she was on the ventilator as well as dialysis. Seeing my dad all helpless brought back those images of her lifelessness. I felt I had wronged a second time. I felt that I had made a huge mistake and had tried to tamper with the process of death. Many questions arose like a forest on fire - Would my dad have been happier to pass away in the comforts of his home, surrounded by his loved ones? Why didn't I take the decision of not putting him through this torture? Why did I not discuss death with him and ask him how would he want to pass away? Can we ever win a fight with death? Do I want to win a fight with death? How would I want to die? Is there life after death? What happens to our soul after we die? Do we really become stars? Is there a place called heaven? Is he at peace? Is he happy now? Does he know that I miss him?

While I yet don't have answers to most of these questions, I surely know that I don't want to die with a cracker bursting in my mouth. I surely don't want to die after being squished. I don't want anyone to become George Floyd and I definitely don't want to die alone or in the confines of a hospital room.