Unschooling 8: Open your heart...open your mind to infinite posibilities!

Tara's little table and stool next to mine

A few days ago Tara came up to me and said, "Mama I want to be an artist like you. I like your dot art and your doodles". For the past couple of months, I have been engrossed in my creative endeavors - initially it was 'writing' and now doodling and dot art. I spend long hours and snatch every free moment to add a few lines, curves and dots to my current work in progress. When I am not drawing, I am writing my blog. Tara has been observing me through out, sometimes by standing next to my table and sometimes watching me from a distance. At times, she has asked questions and at times stated that she would also like to draw or write. She has set her table and a small stool right next to my table as she likes being around me. Whenever she wants to draw, she simply shoves her toys away and sets her book, pencils and colouring material and gets on with her activity.

She has never bothered about the mess created by the toys fallen around. She is clear about her objective - sit next to her mama and do something, more importantly chat while doing so. As opposed to her need to make small talk, I have always preferred silence as I often get lost in my own thoughts while working. This is where the conflict arises - my need for silence and her need to chat. 

I prefer the silence to such an extent that I turn into a tiger every time someone disturbs me. I have also made this to be a big issue in the past and I have blamed C and my boys for not letting me have my 'me time'. I have portrayed myself as the suffering hero - the all time sacrificing housewife. At times, I have made it to be such a big issue that everyone in my family tip toes around me when I am at my desk. Everyone fears my reactions and do everything to stay out of my way. I also feel super guilty about this and often become apologetic afterwards and feel miserable for a long long time.

My Tara is yet to give up on me and ensures that she doesn't let me forget about her existence. So far, i.e until two days ago, I found her to be a hindrance and have shooed her away almost every time she attempted to make a connection with me. 

 Two days ago as usual she came up to me and started chatting while I was engrossed in my work. I raised my head and looked blankly at her and she said, "Never mind mama - I know you didn't listen and started walking away." My focus shifted to her immediately and I saw her walking away totally dejected. I felt guilt creeping in and yet this time, I didn't let it ruin things for me. I called out to her and showed her what I was doing. So far I always answered her with reluctance, but this time I answered her with enthusiasm. I wanted her to connect with my work. What followed was a lovely conversation about doing things that we like. Her little mind said, 'Can I draw too? Can you teach me?' Instead of saying 'later dear' I told her to bring paper and pencils. She wanted me to teach her to make doodle mandalas. I guided her in the first mandala which she outlined and the second one was entirely her idea. We spent some time drawing together before something else caught her attention and she went away.

Our work together

 

She came back to me yesterday with a paper and while I was working in the kitchen she drew. This time, I divided my attention between cooking and helping her and during our loving chat, she drew images that came to her mind. The end product brought a big sense of achievement for both of us - for her to be able to imagine and draw and for me to overcome my reluctance to be involved in her attempts at doing something when I was engaged in doing something else. I viewed the situation differently and made things possible for both of us. 

 

Tara's drawing - while I was cooking

As I reflected on this experience I learnt that 

"Once you open your heart and your mind

 

you see infinite possibilities."