Since childhood, we are taught to shun away certain emotions and their behaviour manifestations. So if you feel sad and you cry - you are told to not cry and that only the weak shed tears. If you are angry and use a few harsh words or cause physical damage to either self or the other, you are reprimanded for your behaviour, demeaned and labeled to be the bad guy. If you fail an exam - you are told not to fret over it and start working hard or you are labeled to be a duffer. I remember when I would sit idle or stare at something for a long time, I would be labeled as lazy and uninterested person. All in all every effort was made to teach me to not 'understand my feelings'. I was also taught that I had to be doing something constantly - sitting idle or staring at things was a complete no no.
However, we human beings know how to hack things and put on a mask of pretense. Thus I mastered the art of daydreaming by seeming super attentive in class. I would cry under my blanket covers or in the bathroom where no one would see me. I learnt to put up a fake smile, fake curiosity, fake empathy and fake positivity. What I didn't learn was to identify my emotions and deal with them in a way that didn't harm - me myself or anyone else.
However, we human beings know how to hack things and put on a mask of pretense. Thus I mastered the art of daydreaming by seeming super attentive in class. I would cry under my blanket covers or in the bathroom where no one would see me. I learnt to put up a fake smile, fake curiosity, fake empathy and fake positivity. What I didn't learn was to identify my emotions and deal with them in a way that didn't harm - me myself or anyone else.
So when I saw a post put up by a friend where she provoked people by saying, "take off your mask of positivity and share exactly what you are going through", I got worried. Are we equipped to deal with ourselves once we shed our mask away? Or do we just look at negativity as the 'next in thing' and continue ranting about how miserable our lives are? It is so easy to get stuck in our stories and behave like 'suffering heros.' I got concerned over whether people were equipped to do all the inner work required to be able to be at peace with one's feelings - whether good or bad, positive or negative. Were people willing to put aside these labels of good and bad, right or wrong, positive or negative and delve deep into just understanding these feelings - where do they come from, how do they impact us, what role do they play in our decisions, what do they leave us with and do we want to change something about these feelings - change how they impact us or the ways in which they rule us?
While I was dwelling over this, it dawned to me that we were born without any mask. We put it on as we were growing and then somewhere during our adulthood - we were lost. We then resorted to coaching, counselling, workshops on inner work, following gurus and babas, meditation and began our journey into our inner self.
If we just let our children be and let their experience, feelings and thoughts guide them to live their life. If we just refrain from our urge to provide them with all the answers. If we stay away from trying to control them and decide what they should think about and how they should behave. If we just value their freedom and believe in its impact. If only we trust them, accept them as they are - they will never feel the need to put on masks...
So lets all take a pause and look at our children and the masks they have already put on and decide on what we could do to deconstruct these masks to reveal their true selves...what could we do - to nurture them to thrive by being themselves.
While I was dwelling over this, it dawned to me that we were born without any mask. We put it on as we were growing and then somewhere during our adulthood - we were lost. We then resorted to coaching, counselling, workshops on inner work, following gurus and babas, meditation and began our journey into our inner self.
If we just let our children be and let their experience, feelings and thoughts guide them to live their life. If we just refrain from our urge to provide them with all the answers. If we stay away from trying to control them and decide what they should think about and how they should behave. If we just value their freedom and believe in its impact. If only we trust them, accept them as they are - they will never feel the need to put on masks...
So lets all take a pause and look at our children and the masks they have already put on and decide on what we could do to deconstruct these masks to reveal their true selves...what could we do - to nurture them to thrive by being themselves.
Originally posted on Facebook on April 14, 2020
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