'Mama, I am bored...what should I do?' asks my daughter (5 years old) many a times. I always respond by saying 'whatever you want to do' in a very calm voice - all soft and empathetic. I wait for her reaction and depending on it decide my next action. Most often she is happy at expressing her boredom and goes away to just sit around doing nothing and after a while she is back to her toys or her iPad. At times she develops curiosity about my activity and engages in a short discussion about it by asking me questions and there are a few times when she waits without giving any reaction. It is only when she does that, I get the hint that she wants me to play with her or talk to her or just make her feel loved. This is when I take an initiative to engage with her with her for a while and soon she is back to playing or doing things by herself. At times I do tell her to wait until I finish the task in my hand and sometimes I involve her in whatever I am doing.
My boys who are much older do not want me to resolve their boredom and most often they just express it for the sake of saying it aloud. While my older son has a typical response to boredom - lie on the bed and stare into nothing. He could do it for hours together. At times, he plays mindless games on his computer. After he has had enough - he would get into creating something - either music or character sketching. My second son usually picks up a toy - his volleyball or a rubic cube or simply surfs the net when bored. He too, engages in something totally unique and amazing post his boredom phase - it could be improvising or creating a game, or could be creating a video or coming up with something fun to do.
There was a time when I used to get all worked up and hassled by the word 'boredom'. As soon as I would hear the 'B' of boredom, I would spring into action offering many options.They would refute each of my suggestion, making me all the more vulnerable to anger and frustration. My conditioning would take over and I would call them lazy when I would see them just lying on the bed or staring blankly at something. It was only when I started unschooling that I changed. Unschooling welcomes boredom. Sitting idle doesn't mean you are doing nothing - as there is a lot of inner work happening when you sit idle or play mindless games. Many powerful things are happening inside you during this period.
So what is this boredom? Boredom is generally an emotional state in which the individual feels restless and experiences lack of interest in anything. While in this state, the individual isn't able to decide on what to do and doesn't find any options appealing enough. A bored person cannot concentrate on the current activity. I definitely experience boredom frequently. The other day, I experienced a lack of interest in the movie I was watching and labeled it as boredom. I couldn't concentrate. I let myself stay in the state of boredom, kept fidgeting around as my restlessness increased. The feeling ended when I picked up my art material and started doodling.
Sometimes when you are bored - nothing interests you. You run over various options in your mind and discard them as soon as they arrive. Often this overwhelming mind work leaves you all drained out and tired. You finally give up and choose to do nothing at all. This is how I describe my boredom. What gets you out of this state of mind is a mystery. It just happens, you spend time dwelling in that state of mind and then spend time experiencing and being with this nothingness and suddenly you snap out and start doing something - usually its what you find interesting - like I start doodling or cooking and my older son plays music or does character sketching.
Unschooling welcomes boredom and believes that boredom results in creativity. An unschooling parent refrains from forcing the child out of this state and lets everything take its natural course. In our current schooled world, where we are conditioned to keep ourselves busy all the time, this experience of boredom is shunned and considered a waste of time - I have so very often heard a parent or an adult say, "he does nothing through out the day, what a waste he is." During my childhood I have often heard my parents say, "Don't sit idle...there is so much work to do - help me in housework or get to your studies."
My teachers would consider it wrong to keep staring at either the fan or the board and if I ever stared out of the window, I would have had it. No one encouraged me to stay in this state of mind. In fact they labeled me as useless, dull, good for nothing, lazy poke... and even after so many decades these labels play a role in my behaviour patterns. They have formed a lasting impact that is taking a long time to break.
Now when my children are free and are not reprimanded for being in this state of mind, I can see how aligned they are to their feelings and thoughts and in their creative endeavors. I can see that there is definitely something super powerful in being in the state of nothingness and boredom. And I wonder - How would I have shaped, if I had this freedom during my childhood?
While I was writing this post, a post from a dear friends wall popped up. Someone else I know spoke about boredom and the word boredom was also mentioned in the 'unschooling webinar' that I co-host along with a friend. In fact my conversation with a friend was also all about boredom. It is rightly said that when you are thinking deeply about something - you keep noticing that particular thing everywhere.
Here is the poster put up on my friends wall:
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