1. Fear of the unknown: Unschooling is definitely not a popular way of learning or living life and we have very few examples. We also do not know 'how to bring in the required change to be able to follow the unschooling principles. For instance - we don't know how to stay away from hindering the autonomy of our children as we yet view everything from the perspective of structure, schedules and convenience. Sending children to school was always convenient - as everyone goes to school and that is the only known way of learning. Right to education (education is equated with schooling) is a child's right too and we have been conditioned to believe that schooling is the only way to learn. I could not imagine life otherwise. Schooling was a non negotiable. Unschooling as an option was unthinkable. It was only when our experiences with different kinds of schooling left my children unhappy and unsatisfied, we decided to try out unschooling and that to after we met a few other unschooling parents and children, attended workshops, read blogs and books and participated in forums...that our fear of the unknown subsided and we were ready to take the plunge.
2. Fear of being isolated and fear of being alone: Since not many families adopt unschooling, one of the biggest fear is of being isolated. This also happens when you assume that your neighbours and existing friends will look at you as weirdos and since you do not have all the answers, you assume that you will be ridiculed. Or at times you will be put on the pedestal. You assume that no one will want to relate to the real you. You fear that your child will not be included by school going children and that they will be lonely. This fear lead me to experiment with a learning center - only to learn that my children actually loved this alone period. So far they were always surrounded by children - the equations among children were based on comparison more that completion, on similar likes and dislikes, on performance at school in both academics as well as extra curricular. The pressure to be good at something was always there. They needed time to heal and once they healed, they themselves stepped out and made friends and started relating to people on terms way different from those they followed when they were schooled. Taking cues from them, as a parent, I slowly understood, the importance of spending some lone time myself to heal myself from the parental expectations I had put on myself. As I transformed, I found myself socializing a lot more and now relating to people more on the basis of compassion than comparison. We also took a support of unschooling and homeschooling communities during this period and participation in activities and events helped us to feel belonged.
3. Fear of being accepted by immediate family and relatives: We all thrive on the support we receive from our parents, siblings and cousins. Family gathering and connections are always important for us and hence it is natural to be anxious about their acceptance. We feared this too. We feared discussions where all our near and dear ones tried hard to convince us to go back to schooling. We feared comments such as, "You are ruining your child's life", "You are at this position only because we sent you to school", "what will your children do when they grow up - become maid servants?" We feared - falling down in our parents eyes and we feared that they would stop supporting us and being part of our life. Our fear was so huge at one point that we avoided giving a correct picture of what we were doing to my mother-in-law and my biggest regret is that she passed away before we mustered the courage to trust her and give her the real picture. Luckily my dad did his research and after testing us for a while realized that we had given this a lot of thought and started supporting us. The biggest timely support I received from him was when he stood by me and defended me in front of my spouses relatives during a discussion on unschooling. My siblings are okay with our decision. We did have a few discussions initially, but we don't talk about unschooling at all. They have accepted that this is my life and my responsibility. My mum always believed that I had a right to live my life on my terms and hence doesn't enforce her views on me. She currently is in two minds. She is overjoyed to see my children engage and excel in their interests and also worries about them when she sees them at home all the time.
4. Fear of the future: The most frequently asked question that drives most to bring in some kind of learning curriculum is the fear of the future and the fear of not being at par with other children of their age. This fear was alive in me when we were shifting from one type of school to another. We gave up this fear when we started unschooling. During our initial period of unschooling, an unschooling parent shared, "Nobody has seen the future - no one has guarantee that sending their child to school is going to ensure a happy life. So why waste time brooding over something we cannot fathom? Live in the present, make most of every moment and you will soon forget worrying about the future.
The second worry about whether my children would be at par with other children was replaced by an unschooling belief that all children are unique and develop at their own pace. Assessments and grades are only a way of social and economic filtering and not a way of determining someones intelligence. Also grade wise syllabus denies the children any opportunity to spend more time learning something they are interested in and denies freedom to decide the depth and extent to which one learns about a concept or skill. Also the fact that standardised curriculum teaches standardised knowledge and doesn't encourage children to make meaning and create their own knowledge. We definitely wanted to stay away from such comparisons and believe that our children are unique and free to learn.
Thus our challenges ceased to be challenges as we sorted things out for us as a family. Once we were confident about our decision to unschool, things started looking bright and our challenges simply faded away.
I would like to put down a word of caution - all this was possible for us as both me and my spouse were on the same page. We never had any difference of opinion with regards to unschooling and supported each other during our contemplative days. I advice parents to be aware of how parental differences actually do a lot more harm to the child as the child lives in a constant state of confusion which further hinders their growth.
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